The first and foremost important primary socialising agent who helps an individual shape his or her character or personality is their primary caregivers- which is in most cases- parents.
There are four different parenting styles commonly adopted by parents all over. They are:
- Authoritarian- This type of parenting is highly critical and over- controlling. A growing up environment which is highly critical and pressurising will lead to low self esteem, poor social skills and anxiety disorders.
- Authoritative- This type of parenting is supporting and non-judgemental. These parents are firm in setting boundaries and are neither too lenient nor too strict. Children in such environments grow up to feel empowered, vocal and well rounded.
- Permissive- This type of parenting is warm and affectionate.
- Neglectful- this type of parenting is uninvolving and offers little support. It has no structure. Children growing up in this kind of environment have higher level of fear and distress. They tend to grow up to be either too needy or detached in future relationships.
I believe that no parent comes into their role as parents with a handbook. It is a first-time experience for them as well. No matter how many children a couple might have, each child is different and they have to be in the process of trial and error to handle the child
Growing up in India, most of us were used to the Authoritarian type of parenting style. Personally, even I grew up having overly strict parents. Today, when I look back, I realise how much it had impacted me and because of my knowledge about Psychology since High school days, I was able to resolve a lot of emotional traumas caused by my parents.
Indian parents hardly know to have boundaries with their children. They want to interfere in all the things that their children do. They do not believe that their child is capable to do things on their own even after they have become adults.
Can you imagine growing up in a household where your parents are breathing down your neck 24/7? How would that child be able to grow up with confidence?
Studies suggest that children growing up in such parenting styles are definitely prone to low self-confidence, poor social skills, anxiety issues and anti-social behaviour.
The reason why children with overly strict parents tend to have psychological issues is because they grew up with lot of pent-up emotions. There is no channel to let out these negative emotions they carry within themselves. The process of catharsis does not happen consciously.
Children from such environments tend to grow up to be toxic adults who are emotionally damaged. Most of these damaged adults do not even go in for therapy. Instead, they dump this trauma to people around them. This becomes a non-stop vicious cycle.
As new parents, what you can do to raise emotionally healthy children are:
- Take counseling
- Make clear boundaries between you and the child.
- Support your child when they are growing up but avoid controlling them in the fear that they may go wrong.
- Stop criticising your child in negative ways. Resort to positive criticism.
- Do not pass your childhood trauma to your child.
- Do not constantly compare your child with another child.
Parenting is a beautiful journey and childhood is a stage that prepares the child to be a confident adult at a later stage. Hence, if you feel your child is struggling as a parent, or your parenting style is a little over strict- seek guidance from a professional because as the saying goes, “Prevention is always better than cure.”